Connecting with a Withdrawn Teen
Communication is key in any parent-child relationship, but it can be especially challenging trying to communicate with your withdrawn teenager. If your teenager has become distant and uncommunicative, it can be difficult to know how to break through their walls and connect with them. However, there are some strategies that can help you improve communication and build a stronger relationship.
Create a Safe and Non-Judgmental Environment
One of the most important things you can do to improve communication with your teenager is to create a safe and non-judgmental environment. When your teenager feels safe and supported, they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts and feelings with you. This means listening without interrupting, avoiding criticism and judgment- even when it’s hard, and validating their feelings and experiences. It can be easy to want to interject your opinion or disagree with an action or point of view, but doing so can also push your teen away and make them feel misunderstood or invalidated.
2. Make Time for One-on-One Time
Teenagers often feel like they are constantly under scrutiny or being judged, which can make it difficult for them to open up. By spending one-on-one time with your teenager, you can create a space where they feel seen and heard. This can be as simple as taking a walk together, having a meal together, or finding an activity you both enjoy. Connecting with doing an activity and being without other distractions can make it easier for you teen to share with you, it takes the pressure off a interrogation style conversation where they may feel they have to answer a barrage of questions aimed at them. Having built in time to just be together can put your teen at ease and allow conversation to happen naturally.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions
When trying to connect with your teenager, it can be tempting to ask yes-or-no questions or questions that can be answered with a single word. However, these types of questions can make it difficult to build a meaningful conversation. Instead, try asking open-ended questions that encourage your child to share more about their thoughts and feelings. Some examples include:
What was the best part of your day?
How are you feeling today?
What's on your mind right now?
What do you think about [current event or issue]?
4. Practice Active Listening
Active listening is a technique that involves fully concentrating on what the other person is saying, without interrupting or thinking about what you will say next. When you practice active listening with your teenager, you show them that you value their thoughts and feelings which makes them more likely to open up and share. To practice active listening:
Make eye contact and face your teenager directly.
Avoid interrupting or finishing their sentences.
Nod and provide verbal cues to show that you are listening.
Paraphrase what your teenager has said to ensure that you have understood them correctly.
5. Be Patient and Persistent.
Improving communication with a teenager can be difficult and will take time and patience. Your teenager may not open up right away, but with persistence, they will begin to trust you and feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Don't give up if your initial attempts at communication fall flat or are met with resistance, Keep trying, and remember that building a strong relationship takes time.
This process can be challenging, but it is not impossible. By creating a safe and non-judgmental environment, making time for one-on-one time, asking open-ended questions, practicing active listening, and being patient and persistent, you can strengthen your relationship with your teenager and help them feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and ideas with you. Remember, building a strong relationship with your teenager takes time, but the effort is worth it in the end.