Transitioning Your Child Back to School or Daycare
It's that time of year again. Picking out new clothes, backpacks, school supplies, and figuring out just how you and your little one are going to adjust to a new schedule. It may seem as though you've just finally adjusted to being out of school, and now it's time to jump right back in to things. You are probably wondering about ways to make this transition as smooth as possible, for everyone. Well, there is not just one right way, of course. If there was, everyone would be doing it and there would never be any tears, complaining, running late, fighting over what pair of shoes to wear. However, there are some ways to make things a bit easier.
Prepare Your Child for the Transition. Sudden changes can be hard for anyone. One way to help the transition, is to give your child several warnings. A good time to begin the transition is a couple weeks before school will be starting. You can get your child involved by making a countdown on the calendar or chalk board and reminding your child regularly that school will be starting. Use transition talk regularly to help normalize the change into a new schedule. Talk about school in a way that will help your child look forward to a new adventure, rather than talking about this as something you are dreading. Your child will pick up on your energy and follow your lead, so be positive!
Give Choices. Allow your child to have some control over preparing for school by involving him/her in making decisions about things that are school related. Having your child choose a lunch box, backpack, or back to school clothes is a great time to practice giving choices. This decision making will help your child be more invested in school and will set them up for being confident in making decisions in school. This can also translate into your before school routine. Allowing your child to choose between Choice A and Choice B for breakfast or Outfit 1 and Outfit 2 for school will help get their buy in and get things started on a positive note.
Do a Practice Run (or two). Practicing your "get ready routine" can be helpful for both you and your child. How many times have we all tried to leave the house only to have one, two, three unexpected things happen that lead to us being late. Make a game of having a dress rehearsal for the first day of school. You can set a timer to see how fast you can get out the door without forgetting anything. This is also a great time to talk with your child about the importance of being on time and about learning to be responsible for their own age appropriate tasks (e.g. brushing teeth, putting shoes on, carrying their own backpack to the car).
Be Patient and Empathetic. Some children have a more difficult time with transitions, no matter what. Knowing your child and being patient and empathetic will be especially important for a more sensitive or anxious child. Validate your child's feelings by acknowledging that they are nervous/scared/tired/unhappy and use patience as they learn to adjust. You can model appropriate ways to cope with these emotions by sharing your own strategies. Some children may respond to making a game of naming 3 things they are looking forward to during their day at school or creating a plan of what they can do if they are having a difficult day so that they feel confident to cope with different situations.
Be Consistent. While patience and empathy will go a long want, be sure to always remain consistent in your expectations and routine. You may be tempted to allow your child an extra snooze, or to keep them home if you are both having a challenging morning. This may seem helpful in the moment, but can cause greater problems in the long run. You can acknowledge how your child is feeling, and then remind them of the importance of getting ready and going to school on time. If they resist, be gentle but firm and bring them anyway.
Use Rewards and Consequences. Some children may respond to simple rewards and consequences throughout the day as they transition back to school. A simple reward could be to choose the snack that goes in their lunch if they wake up and eat breakfast on time. A consequence can be the loss of a small privilege or reward by giving two choices (e.g. You can choose which shoes to wear or mommy will choose for you; You can sit calmly in the car or you will lose 5 minutes of electronics today). Another simple consequence is the removal of attention. If your child is throwing a tantrum, simply avoid responding or walk away until he/she is able to calm down. This will chow your child that negative or inappropriate behaviors will not get your attention.
Enlist Help if Needed. If your child is really struggling with separation, it might be a good idea to let the teacher or other school staff be aware of the situation. Often the school or daycare will have strategies they use in these situations and may be of help in getting your child into the classroom and engaged. Some positive reinforcement could be used in the classroom from the start of the day to help set your child up for success. Additionally, if your child struggles to separate from you, sometimes having your spouse or another family member drop your child off at school can make things easier until they have adjusted. Another option might be to send your child to school with a friend or carpool with a friend in the morning to help divert attention from the separation from you.
Acknowledge Successes. Perhaps the most important strategy in helping your child be successful in their transition to a new routine is to praise him/her for successes. Let your child know how proud you are of them for getting up when you tell them to, getting out the door on time, listening to their teacher, behaving well throughout the school day. Giving your child a special treat or some extra attention is a great way to acknowledge their successes, but even just letting them know how proud you are or giving lots of affection can be equally as reinforcing. Praising your child for a successful transition will also help your child feel confident in their ability to conquer other challenging life tasks. You can help your child generalize this skill by reminding them of how great they did in tacking this situation when they are faced with another tough situation.
The transition back to school or daycare can be tough on the whole family. Hopefully some of these strategies can be implemented to help set you and your child up for success. If you have any strategies that you've found helpful for you or your child, I'd love to hear about them! Please feel free to add comments below. If you think your child might have emotional or behavioral difficulties that require additional intervention, I'd be happy to speak with you about how child or family therapy or parent coaching could potentially help. Feel free to call today for a free consultation.